The Conversations Black Folks are Having Publicly about Dating are Disheartening to Witness.
Recent viral posts around dating while Black have highlighted a longstanding fracture around ideas of romance and courtship in the Black community.
Last night my wife Leslie, and I went on what could be considered a date. Leslie is about to be out of town for a week for work and I thought that we should spend some time together outside of our usual comings and goings, job obligations, and general “responsibilities” as married, cohabitating people.
I made reservations at a restaurant we previously dined at in an area we frequent. Because it was an unseasonably warm Saturday night, a lot of folks were out dining and enjoying the premium weather. The setting was The National Harbor, an open-air assortment of shops and restaurants just outside of D.C. I chose the Harbor for date night because the ambiance is usually cool and because I knew it would offer us more than just a dining outing. We stopped by a popular Black-owned bookstore before our dinner reservation and went to a popular Black-owned cheesecake spot for dessert after dinner.
The National Harbor is a well-lit bustling atmosphere for perusing the boardwalk and people-watching. I probably could have used a bit more creativity when choosing a spot for our outing, but in the interest of time/not advanced planning, I went with a tried and true setting. We could not get reservations at Leslie’s favorite restaurant at the Harbor, but the food we had was more than decent, and we didn’t leave hungry.
Throughout the evening Leslie was playfully (or maybe not playfully) “scoring” my date planning. She left her wallet behind so all the purchases that were made came from my debit card (connected to our joint bank account). I bought her a book from the bookstore, we had dinner, then dessert and I paid for parking. In total, “I spent” just south of $200 on our date night which was not bad considering that the majority of our meals are eaten at home and we don’t go out every weekend.
Last night’s outing was not just a matter of me wanting to spend quality time with Leslie before she leaves town, it was also in celebration of her new job at her college alma mater that will be taking her across the country for seven days. We try to honor milestones in our lives when finances and time permit, and I am immensely proud of Leslie for landing a position at an institution that she loves deeply.
Leslie’s scoring of my date planning was (jokingly) in response to viral posts we have recently seen regarding the do’s and don’ts of dating that have been shared by (presumably) single Black women and men. And though Leslie’s in-the-moment rubric grading of my date night plans may have been light-hearted, a lot of the commentary between Black folks around dating expectations on this topic has not only been divisive but in many instances downright cruel and has evoked a sense of hopelessness for Black love.
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